Hi there!

It has been almost three months since I updated my Journal page.  These months have been like a roller coaster ride, in more ways than one.  My health has been on a roller coaster, and the events of this time have had us on a mental roller coaster, also.

 Shortly after writing in March I discovered that the side effects of chemo are cumulative, so the more you have, the worse you feel.  The second treatment (a three-week period) caused more problems than the first, but they were still what I would consider mild, with the medication they have now to keep things in hand.  The personnel at the Cancer Center here in Fairbanks are very helpful and kind, and very good at what they do.  After the second treatment Dr. Carroll had an x-ray done, and it showed that the tumor had reduced by 25%.  At that time we weren’t sure just what that meant, but we later learned that most of the reduction is in the first treatment, where all the cells not resistant to whatever you take are killed.  After that the chemo is trying to kill cells that are resistant to it, and that is much harder.  They like to see a reduction of 50%, but that didn’t happen.

Consequently, Dr. Carroll asked if I would agree to an increase in the dose of the final chemo treatment (another three-week period), since my blood count had been holding up so well.  I agreed, and he did increase it.  My red blood count plummeted, and I became very anemic.  I was once again feeling that I could hardly lift my arms, and I was weak as a kitten.  They gave me a shot of something that stimulates the bone marrow to produce an increased amount of red blood cells. The next week I still felt pretty bad, and after testing me they gave me another shot, and told me to begin mega-doses of iron supplement tablets.

Within a week I was improving more, and my blood count was back up within the range where it should be. By this time I had less than two weeks before I was to go back to Bend for lung surgery, and a whole lot to do to get ready for that, so I pushed myself to the limit each day, combining rest periods with active periods.

We flew back to Bend, Oregon on May 10^th, and were to return on June 11^th, giving me four weeks of recovery after the surgery.  The day after our arrival we saw the surgeon, went through all the pre-op process, and had tests done.

 Dr. Boyle, my surgeon, went over the surgical process, and after looking through my file began to talk about all the dangers that go along with this surgery and it was getting very scary.  I am what is called a shallow breather, and with impaired lungs, having lung surgery is dangerous.  He told me that I could cancel it anytime right up until we went into surgery.

Then, that evening, after reading the cat scan that had been done, Dr. Boyle called to say that he needed to conference with Dr. Boone, my oncologist, and the radiologist who interpreted the cat scan, and do comparisons with the other scans, but the radiologist had already left for the day, and he was unable to locate them.  He told me to go into the hospital for admission the next morning as planned, and he would catch up with me there after they met.  He told me it looked as if the tumor had grown, and there was a growth on the left they needed to look at, as he didn’t remember it.

This was sobering news, and we spent the evening in fear and prayer.  I was being asked to make a decision I felt that I could not make, so I asked the Lord to make it for me.  Early in the morning we resumed praying, alone and together, for guidance.

The next morning we were at the hospital early, went through the entire admitting process and were waiting to go to surgery when Dr. Boyle called us into a room.  He said that in comparing the scans it was found that in the four weeks since I finished chemo, the tumor had grown back to approximately the same size it was before we started.  And, there was a lymph node on the left that now appeared to be cancerous.  These two things ruled out surgery. Permanently.  The Lord had made the decision for us.

 Dr. Boyle is so nice, and explains things so well, that it cushioned any blow we felt at the news, and the nurse in the room felt I needed a hug… not something that is done most places.  Once again my faith in this surgeon was re-affirmed.  He was turning down a lot of money to do what was right for the patient – me.

 Dr. Boone made room in his very busy schedule for me on that same day, and he spent as much time as we needed to ask all the questions we had and to explain everything to us.  He said that his recommendation would be for me to have a combination of radiation and chemo to kill the cancer.  However, he wanted me to take two weeks “off” before I began anything.  He wanted me to recover more from the previous treatment, and to get over the shock of the change in treatment.

Accordingly, we quickly made some hasty arrangements that day, and the next morning we left for southern California for an impromptu family reunion, where I saw my mother for the first time since being diagnosed with cancer, my brother, sister, aunt and uncle, nieces and nephews and cousins.  My half-brother Reggie flew out and I finally got to meet him.  We just discovered one another last year but had not had a chance to meet.

We had a great time, except that they had an especially warm day to show Jim just how warm it could get.  Our first day there, the temperature was 104, very warm for mid-May.  Jim handcuffed himself to a large fan on a stand and if there was nowhere to plug it in, he just didn’t go. The fan followed him everywhere.

On the way back we stopped to see Jim’s sister and made a stop in Happy Camp so he could putter around prospecting for a couple of days while I visited and rested up.  A final visit with my sons in Oregon City, and we flew home again, arriving day before yesterday.

Tomorrow I will talk to Dr. Carroll and arrange a consultation so I can get a second opinion from him, and will then start whatever treatment we agree upon.

I still have no symptoms, other than shortness of breath when rushing through airports and such, but this setback has made me feel more vulnerable, so I am working on that, as well as a renewed exercise program to build myself up again, and packing in the protein, as they say my esophagus will be damaged by the radiation and I will be unable to eat much for some time.  Because the lung and tumor are so near the esophagus it gets sunburned, making it difficult to swallow and eat.

Other than that, there are no side effects of the radiation, and the chemo is supposed to be a low dose so the side effects should not be great, but I am expecting to lose my hair this time.  I did not lose any the last time, but this chemo will be a different kind.

Many people have asked why I don't wonder why this has happened to me.  Our faith is still strong, and we still believe the Lord has a purpose for this.  I have had many things happen since becoming a Christian that I could not always know the reason for, but it eventually is shown to me, and I am sure this will be the same.  When I became a Christian I offered my life to follow Him, and that is what I am doing.  

I would still appreciate any prayers you can send my way, and any advise or encouragement you might have.  Once my treatment is set and has begun I will update this again to let you know how it is going.

June 1, 2003
Two Rivers, Alaska

Marcie  Foley