Hi!

The month of August is fast approaching, and summer in Alaska is racing headlong toward fall.  The seasons of the year all seem to be in a race here, as if the year just can’t wait for winter to take its turn. It is difficult for me to assess the weather, since I have to stay out of the sun (the chemo makes you very sensitive to sunburn), but it seems to have been a warmer summer than we have had in the past few years.  Although we’ve had quite a bit of rain, it has been interspersed with warm weather.

August is one of my favorite months, as it is my birth month, and this year is a milestone.  I will be 65 this year, and become an official senior citizen.

 This last month has been a busy one for me, as I have focused on ridding my body of cancer. It has been five weeks or so since I started radiation treatments, coupled with strong chemo doses at the beginning, middle and end of the radiation treatments.  They decided I needed 37 radiation treatments, and were to be given five days a week, with weekends off.  Since we live about 30 miles from town, this requires a trip into town every afternoon.

 They told me I would experience some side effects beginning about two weeks after starting the radiation.  I would get a large lump in my throat, making it difficult to swallow, followed by my throat becoming sore, and which would require me to go on a liquid diet.  I would have to speak to the pharmacist about grinding up all my medications, etc., and that my most important function would be to continue to eat, no matter what.

 These side effects did not come until the fourth week, and although I am still having a bit of a problem, they have not been nearly as bad as predicted.  I have not had to revert to a liquid diet, and my appetite remains very good.

 I have also had side effects from the chemo treatments, which are much stronger than the treatments I previously had, and they are using a different type of chemo.  There is a new treatment for the nausea and vomiting, a simple pill, taken one a day for three days.  These three pills cost $319!!!

 They do work, however, so are worth it.  As I understand it, the nausea and vomiting were bad with this particular type of chemo.  After taking those, any nausea is handled with the normal nausea pills I have taken.

 The strongest side effect is the incredible tiredness that seems to accompany this cancer, and the treatment of it.  There is tiredness from the cancer, from the chemo, from the radiation.  The tiredness is not helped by resting.  You can sleep for 12 hours straight and waken so tired you can hardly lift an arm.  It is this tiredness that has been so hard for me to live with.  For a normal workaholic, to lie listlessly in bed, feeling unable to even care for yourself at times adds to the normal depression that accompanies the cancer.

 At the time of the second of my chemo treatments, I made a wonderful discovery, however!  After the first treatment I fought the tiredness for almost three weeks before I could feel it lifting a bit. I “pushed” myself against the tiredness, forcing myself to dress, care for myself, and then to do some work around the house.  I forced myself to do more each day, although my back killed me, and all my muscles screamed from the forced inactivity of months.

 Surprisingly, it did not take many days at all to work through that, and in less than a week my back no longer ached all day, and my muscles felt better, also.  The next week, before my second chemo treatment was scheduled, I worked furiously, feeling better than I have felt in a couple of years.  It was not only helpful to my physical condition, but gave me a great deal of satisfaction to be accomplishing goals on a daily basis again, a great boost to my disposition.

 After having the second treatment on a Tuesday, by Friday I was flat in bed again, and I listened to my body on this.  For the next three days I slept off and on around the clock.  I slept all night and much of each day, but on Tuesday morning I woke up feeling quite well.  I got up and resumed my normal activities, my sleep patterns went back to normal, and I cannot believe how well I feel.

 I know that some of that is due to vitamin supplements I am taking.  After a bout with anemia early in my treatment I seem to have hit on a combination that provides me with what I need.  I am taking vitamins to increase my auto-immune efficiency: vitamin c, vitamin e, a B-complex, and one Centrum daily.  I now take two iron tablets and a potassium tablet twice a day.  The potassium is critical, and I really know if I miss that or the iron.

 My hair, which should have fallen out before now, is still hanging in there, and does not even appear to be thinning more than is normal.

 It is now Friday, and I have been working normally all week… or as normal as it gets in my case.  It has been so very long since I was normal that I’m not even sure what normal is, anymore.  What I do know is that instead of being so tired I can do nothing, I arise each morning feeling well, grateful for the day I have been given, savoring my food and the ability to eat it, and enjoying the activity I can take part in.

 Since I first began these journal updates several months ago I have come in contact with many people across the country, and have also been contacted by some old friends.  Two of my best friends from high school contacted me, and two other friends from later in life.  One of them, Elaine Schrader, I worked closely with for many years while I was in Happy Camp, and the other, Denise, also from Happy Camp, I worked with, also.  These last two had cancer.

 Sadly, Elaine’s fight with cancer came to an end, and she died early in the month.  Elaine and I broke into the male world of gold prospecting business owners at the same time, and Elaine was a large presence in gold prospecting in the Phoenix, Arizona area.  Elaine will be sadly missed by all her many friends.

 Denise’s cancer has spread to her bones, and she is now in Yakima, Washington, receiving chemo to help her in her fight against the disease.  She is doing well for the moment, and is a very plucky lady. Denise worked for The New 49’ers for several years, and was a very knowledgeable and friendly voice to all who called.  She is one of those genuinely nice people whom everyone loves, and she and her family remain in our prayers.  She and her family have high praise for the cancer center in Yakima.

 I must take a moment to give some high praise for Dr. Carroll and his staff at the Fairbanks Cancer Center.  This is the only cancer doctor in Alaska's Interior, and we are very fortunate to have such a knowledgeable and caring staff here.

 It provides personal care for all patients with a full staff that is devoted to the patients, and I cannot say too much in their behalf.  You never feel alone, and they always have all the time it takes for your needs.

 Cancer has a way of destroying your dignity, and I know that this has hardly touched me, but I can see around me the care that is taken to preserve as much dignity as possible for all patients.

 As I conclude this update, I am much uplifted.  Less than a month ago, I was pretty “down.”  Elaine wanted only to die, and I was becoming very aware of how “tentative” life can be with cancer. One day your treatment is going well, and the very next day you can be given a death sentence, and be told to prepare for the end.  Life is a roller coaster.

 It is our faith in the Lord, and the knowledge that all is in His capable hands, that keeps us going when it gets rough.  That, and the love of my wonderful husband, who is going through all of this with me, step-by-step, day-by-day.  He lifts me up when I falter, helps point the way when I cannot see, holds onto me so I cannot fall.  This is as hard on him as on me, at times.  He must remain strong, when he is as frightened as I am; he must work each day, fill in for me when I cannot cook or clean, tempt me to eat if I am ill, talk me into getting up and getting exercise when I want to do nothing but sleep.

 I have been so very blessed by the Lord to have Jim.  I don’t know how I would do this without him.  I don’t even know if I’d want to.

Marcie
July 25, 2003
Two Rivers, Alaska