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Hi, This is my first update to my Journal since late August, I believe, and we have been extremely busy during that time, but I wanted to get something up there now, because we are going to get even busier in the near future. In my last update I mentioned that we were planning to build a house in California next year. We did not envision, however, how difficult it would be to find property where we wanted to move to, and we’re still unable to find what we need. Consequently, some time ago we decided that we were simply going to have to sell this place and rent there to be on the scene, to get the property we wanted to build on. We had decided that since Jim had a temporary job that might last until the first of the year, that we’d probably sell this and move at that time; however, housing is extremely limited there, and a rental that seems just right for us came up recently, so we took it, since it appeared the the job Jim was working on was about finished, anyway – there were going to be delays lasting some time. So, we’ve arranged to get the rental, and are getting this house ready to go on the market, which will happen within this next week. In the midst of all this, I had an appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Boone, to discuss taking Tarceva again, and at that time we talked about doing another PET Scan. This is a fairly new, very accurate test for diagnosis that uses a radioactive glucose isotope to “show” clusters of active cancer cells. It can show cancer much sooner than any other test. I had one of these tests shortly after being diagnosed with cancer, but had not had another, since they are expensive and it was not necessary at the time. However, since it had been 2 years since I finished chemo, and I was still around, he wanted to evaluate my condition. He has made it clear all along that the cancer would be back, but I had not discussed that part of it with him regarding what the statistics say, since I feel my life is in God’s hands, not statistics. I’m going to depart from chronological order here to give you some statistics that make my case much clearer to me, that have been placed before me recently, so that I couldn’t ignore them. I think I mentioned in an earlier update that Dr. Boone had renewed interest in my case when I survived the mess of finishing the worst of the chemo, nursing my mother, and then four months of complete bed rest in 2004. That interest has become increasingly clear. I found out why, just a week or so ago. I came across an article written by a woman who was diagnosed with cancer in a case very similar to mine, other than that she was quite young (37, I believe) and healthy, with two small children. After several months of chemo she was able to have a radical surgery done, that removed all the malignant tissue. It was in this article that the statistics appeared, and here is what it said. Of all those who are diagnosed with lung cancer, 60% die within 1 year of being diagnosed. In another year, 2 years after diagnosis, 70 to 80% of all lung cancer patients have died, and only a “dismal" 15% survive the 5-year goal. How long ago was I diagnosed? It is indelibly burned in my mind; was in August (my birth month) 2002; 3 years and 3 months ago. Now it is clear why Dr. Boone’s interest has increased. I certainly didn’t have better chances than others in my condition; my body has always been a frail one. And the chemo and radiation that I had to have was not kind to it. I had to have all but two combinations available to even get it all to work, and that didn’t happen until it was given in combination with radiation treatments. That removed the possibility of surgery as an option, and there is no cure for lung cancer without surgery. Additional considerations were the fact that we moved – we drove out of Alaska in the dead of winter on the Alaska Highway just two weeks after I finished the worst of the chemo, at 40 degrees below zero. It took us 10 days I was so ill. Then we immediately went to southern California to nurse my mother for most of three months, in her final illness. And so that entire year went on with setback after setback. In this year, 2005, I began exercising and started to feel well, finally, and although it was a very difficult road to gaining strength and stamina, I was on that road when I broke my ankle the end of July, another setback, but not as much of one. It has made doing things a chore, and it has been irritating, but it seems to be healing well, and I am able to do quite a lot now, although my lung capacity is not nearly as great as before. That’s one reason for moving – we want to get away from the wind and pumice dust in this area, which should make it easier on my bronchial tubes and lungs, damaged from radiation. Those of you who know me will know exactly what I attribute with credit for keeping me alive. It is the Lord’s work, there is no question about it. We can still feel Him working in our lives. And, I suppose I am more stubborn that I thought myself to be. Now, to work my way back into the order of things… I had a number of CAT or CT Scans, and X-rays done after I broke my ankle, and I still showed no cancer. I’d spent several months convincing myself I was well, so when we decided to do the PET Scan in early October, Jim and I really expected it to show no active cancer. They worked me in during the next week and did the test, but I had a two-week delay in getting the results because Dr. Boone was out of town, so it was late in the month when I saw him again. He was very upbeat and happy about the results, but as he began talking he made it clear that I had a number of small cancers in my body. He did a very thorough exam, trying to locate even one of them, and was not able to – they are just too small. He then told me to get dressed and took us to his office to see the results for ourselves. These days they come up on a computer screen, and because they had scanned my body from forehead to knees, it looked much like a whole body target in a shooting gallery on the screen, with a frontal and a back view. The cancers showed up on these “targets” as small round black spots, looking for all the world like bullet holes, and to my eyes it appear that my body looked as if someone had taken a machine gun and raked my torso with it, shooting me full of cancers. From my armpit through the chest and both lungs, abdomen and even into the groin area there were about a dozen or so small cancer spots. So, while I was feeling faint about this diagnosis, a big shock when you feel you are cancer-free, Dr. Boone was very excited, and it took me some time to absorb all that he said that day, and come to peace about it. Since I was not aware of these statistics above, but he is very aware of them, being faced with them every day in the form of patients, we were looking at it from two different perspectives. He is a wonderful doctor, and he spent a great deal of time with us going over what the implications were, and what his suggested method of treatment was. He explained that he thought that if we’d done the test months, or even a year earlier, the results would be virtually what we were seeing. He does not think these cancers are growing, but thinks they are being held in check by my immune system right now – he called it “hiding under a bush.” He said they could remain that way for 6 months, a year, 5 years or 10 years, without growing. This is definitely not the normal. And I knew that much. I had asked him months ago what it was likely to come back as, even though I was sure I knew the answer, and it was as I suspected. It most often comes back in a vital organ, and most often in the bones, brain or liver. I knew that because all the friends I’ve had with lung cancer, had that happen to them – all of them. Dr. Boone seems to think that while I could still get cancer in a vital organ, it is not likely, and that this is how it may stay. What that means is that there is hope. For what? He says that contrary to popular belief, you CAN live with active cancer cells in your body, and in the rare cases like mine, it is possible. As for treatment, he proposes no treatment at all right now. He says my body is in a delicate balance, and any treatment we might try might stimulate the cancer to growth. And, my treatment options are limited now, so we should save them for if and when the big guns are needed. So! Not the diagnosis we expected, or wanted, but then – we were being unrealistic, I suppose. And, after finally convincing myself I am well, it is to find out that I am not well at all. But then, that is relative, too. I did not have what is called a "killer" cancer, I did not have throat or mouth cancer that would disfigure me. I do not have to undergo any treatment right now, and although I can't do many of the things I used to do, there are many things I can do now that I was unable to do, just months ago, so I feel very blessed with my life, and by the Lord. After fully absorbing this news and becoming used to it I can accept it. I have no choice, and to do otherwise would upset me, create stress, and affect the work of my immune system, which could activate the cancer. So, for now I will try to keep stress down, keep physically active, eat healthy, and lean on the Lord, as usual. He is ever faithful, ever there when I need Him. I will continue to avoid crowds and getting among groups of people, to keep from catching something, and will do all I can to further improve my immune system. This move He has put before us is truly a Godsend right now, because I’m so busy that I don’t have time to dwell on anything, and will be so for quite some time. Moving at our age is really a chore, but thankfully, we can take our time with this one, and that’s a help. It doesn’t have to be done in a hurry. So, we are poised (this is all figurative, of course) on the brink of another adventure. Jim begins taking some of our things down in another week or so, and we begin the process of moving to another state. This move, however, feels to us like moving “home.” I’ve lived in this area before, and Jim absolutely loves it – it is very much like Alaska, and he’ll practically be able to step out his door and prospect for gold. Where it is different from Alaska is in the weather - it is much milder, with much more rain than snow, and with more moderate temperatures. Our aching bones will like that. As we approach this Thanksgiving holiday, we hope all of you have a wonderful one, and that you are surrounded by family and friends. Be especially thankful for your health and all the blessings our Lord has bestowed upon you, for none of us knows how long any of it will last.
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